Creating a genuine relationship is a skill. And then, not so much.
The relationship must be desired, built with determination and spoken of. What, where, why and when? And how? Why now? Why not in the past? How do we get traumatised people back on the horse if these people are not open or sensitive to our needs, because they themselves are so injured? And even if we communicate them to him/her? No one really wants to be traumatic or neurotic. No one wants to reveal their worst fears to anyone, especially when we want so much that the other party likes us, or loves us.
Sometimes, and indeed more than often, it is necessary for one’s own mental health to tell your lover about your fears. Ask for help and clarification to things. Try to challenge your own and your partners way of doing things. To tell them when you are feeling painful, anxious, unsuccessful, and fearful. Or anything.
Most people are empathetic. Intuitive. We can feel and experience eachother.
There will be problems, when we do not see the shortcomings or problems of our lover through our pink glasses of love. Sometimes you can’t see the real challenges and problems, not until something serious happens. Sometimes it takes 10 months and sometimes only 10 days. Sometimes the alarm bells ring after you are married.
How can these situations be avoided, I ask.
How can we save ourselves from hurtfull and plain sick people? From those who really want bad things for you? From those who do not even actually care? They tell lies about themselves. They tell stories that have no truth in reality. They give you an impression, but in the end they give you nothing. That something could be, and should be, a piece, or pieces of their own insecurities. The insecurities, that you as a human being, should share, in order to create the feeling of emotional connectivity. Something that reveals your vulnerability, and your capacity for just being… human.
We are formed by our stories from the past.
Where is our humanity and love for others? And mercy and forgiveness for those who do something wrong, but to whom we will still answer in the name of love. Because we do not want to see them get lost. Even if we do not love them anymore but as we are decent human beings, we want to push them to the correct path in their lives.
I am just asking as I still do not know the answer to the above. And I am grieving for the lack of humanity.
Did you know, if you have an unstoppable urge to write to someone at 3 o’clock in the morning hours, they are the one you love?